


just stay by me

by Skathii



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Episode 11 Spoilers, M/M, Miscommunication, Twu Wuv, angsty, drunk!yuri, they just love each other so much, viktor remembers the moments where he fell in love with yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8867371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skathii/pseuds/Skathii
Summary: Spoilers for episode 11!-------------------------"After the Final, let’s end this."The words slipped out of Yuuri's mouth smooth as water and just as frigid. They drowned Viktor, wouldn't let him breathe.--------------------------(The moments after Yuuri tells Viktor that they should end things between them.Viktor realizes just how much he's come to care for Yuuri.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up pretty feelsy (again). I'm not sure which way this show will go after last week's episode, but I hope they can resolve their relationship bumps! 
> 
> I just have so many feelings.

"After the Final, let’s end this."

 

The words slipped out of Yuuri's mouth smooth as water and just as frigid. They drowned Viktor, wouldn't let him breathe.

 

Yuuri stared down at his hands which were clenched into tight balls. His face was devoid of feeling, but his eyes might not have been. Viktor couldn't tell, not with the way that his own hands went cold, and his heart echoed in his ears, and he couldn't manage to suck in a single breath past his tight throat. The towel which he had been using to dry his damp hair fell to the floor. His fingers still held its ghost, not daring to move their position lest they be overwhelmed by the trembling that was threatening his entire body.

 

Why wouldn't Yuuri look at him?

 

Viktor certainly couldn't take his eyes off the younger man, not even if he wanted to.

 

"Yuuri," his voice came out more rough than he had intended. Even just saying the word hurt.

 

Viktor wanted to see that this was hard on Yuuri too, to see that he didn't mean it, but Yuuri betrayed nothing in those inky eyes or those soft lips.

 

Viktor lifted up his hand to touch Yuuri’s lips, like he'd done so many times before. Maybe Yuuri would laugh in that gentle way of his, tell him that it was just nerves speaking after a rough day.

 

Yuuri flinched away. It stung worse than any slap. Viktor dropped his hand.

 

 _Breathe, Viktor_.

 

The air felt too cold against his nose and mouth, but he managed to force it in, to fill his lungs.

 

"Don't try to talk me out of it." Yuuri bit at his lower lip before continuing. "I've already made up my mind."

 

"Yuuri, please don't--"

 

Yuuri jumped to his feet and strode over to the night stand, slamming his hand down against it with a metallic thud.

 

Metallic?

 

Viktor's eyes widened, and yet the edges of his periphery went black, foggy, static, threatened to consume the rest of his vision. His whole body trembled in a single convulse before he could stop it.

 

A golden ring laid on the stand.

 

The ring they had picked out together.

 

The matching ring on his own finger burned cold, almost as cold as the ice that gripped at Viktor’s heart.

 

Viktor wanted to scream, wanted to pull the ring off his finger and throw it at Yuuri as he walked away. He would do anything to get Yuuri to stop.

 

His vision turned shaky, blurring everything in the room together.

 

_No. Don’t._

 

_Don’t you dare cry, Viktor Nikiforov._

 

He had to look somewhere, anywhere, anything that wasn’t the image Yuuri with his back to him, ready to leave him.

 

_He doesn’t want you anymore._

 

The carpet. The lamp. The bed. All of it seemed too ordinary, too domestic for him to look at while his world fell apart.

 

And then his eyes fell on he ring yet again, even as he begged them not to. From its perch on the nightstand it looked almost viscous, like a tiny band of sunshine. It glinted in the low light of the room, reflecting bands of light onto all of the surfaces around it.

 

And in that glint, Viktor saw Yuuri.

 

Yuuri, at the Cup of China.

 

Viktor could see the red that edged Yuuri’s eyes, leftover from crying. Viktor hadn’t known how to comfort Yuuri at the time, but it didn’t matter. Yuuri had wanted him just the way he was, had only asked him to stay at his side. The words made Viktor’s heart crumple at first from shock. He had never thought anyone would say those words to him. How could this man, this beautiful man, want him to stay with him? Yuuri, whose cinnamon eyes could never hide his emotions and continually held Viktor in rapture. Yuuri, whose soft edges hid a firm and steady heart. Yuuri, who only cared about everyone else, who was a sunburst that illuminated everything and everyone around him. Pink kissed Yuuri’s cheeks after his outburst, and Viktor found himself wishing he, too, could kiss those cheeks, and everything else Yuuri was.

 

Yuuri, in Barcelona, in front of the cathedral.  

 

Yuuri gazed at the ring he had just put on Viktor’s hand, only daring to glance up at Viktor every so often as he spoke. Yuuri’s hand trembled as it grasped Viktor’s, the warmth between their hands becoming one. It matched the heat that swelled in Viktor’s chest as he looked at Yuuri. This time the pink on Yuuri’s cheeks covered most of his face, from his cute nose to the apple of his cheeks to the curve of his ears. It was the exact color of the cherry blossoms Viktor had seen at Hasetsu. The gold band fit perfectly on Viktor’s finger, and right then Viktor couldn’t help but think that maybe this gold medal was the one that he loved the most.

 

Yuuri, on the very first day Viktor had ever seen him.

 

Well, no that wasn’t quite right. They had competed against each other, certainly. But this was the first day he had ever _really_ seen his Japanese competitor. And now, he wasn’t quite sure how he didn’t notice him before.

 

Viktor always dreaded these banquets. Everyone would smile and congratulate him, but he knew that no one really wanted him around because they thought entering a competition with Viktor was the same as losing. He could see it in the strain of their eyes. The plan was to greet everyone and duck out early.

 

And then.

 

And then Katsuki Yuuri appeared out of nowhere, leaving smiles and chaos in his wake. Viktor had never seen any of these skaters cut loose like this before. Even little Yuri joined in on the dance party. Beneath the scowl, Viktor could see that Yuri was having fun. Viktor was having fun, too, if he was going to be honest. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed this hard. His wide smile chapped his lips, but he couldn’t stop, especially not when Yuuri came over with an invitation to dance.

 

Yuuri looked so handsome when his features were touch by pure (also drunken) joy. At the beginning of the night, he had just looked so miserable and downtrodden. And now? The transformation made Viktor’s breath hitch in surprise.

 

How was Viktor ever suppose to look away?

 

As the songs and dancing soften and died off, Viktor braced himself. This would be the end of it. One night. One drunken night, and they would go their separate ways. When Yuuri finally slumped over to rest on the ground, clearly finished with dancing, Viktor brushed himself off and straightened himself out. He would plaster on a smile, say goodbye, and leave with Yakov.

 

The smile slipped off when a hand reached out to hold Viktor still. Yuuri pulled him close, wiggling against him. The crowd hushed and stared, and yet Viktor couldn’t make himself care.

 

Not when he could feel the body heat of the smaller man against him, could see those brown eyes up close, could smell champagne and cologne wafting from him.

 

Yuuri asked him to be his coach.

 

Asked him to stay.

 

Viktor’s heart thudded in his chest like a bird trying to escape as heat claimed his face.  

 

His eyes opened wide, trying to memorize every single detail of the moment he started to fall for Katsuki Yuuri.

 

This same Yuuri was leaving him now.

 

Reality crashed into Viktor, punching the air out of his lungs.

 

They had been through so much together, both good and bad. With each new day, Viktor found something new to love about Yuuri. He never stopped surprising him. He was the reason Viktor looked forward to each and every new day, when only 8 months ago, the future seemed so terribly lonely.

 

Yuuri was the reason. Yuuri was everything.

 

He wasn’t going to let that go.

 

Viktor’s lungs didn’t want to let him breath, but he forced air into them as he stumbled up from the window seal. His limbs still felt numb. It didn’t matter. He forced his feet to move despite their protests. In four strides, he caught up to Yuuri and grabbed Yuuri’s wrist to spin him around.

 

“Viktor, stop--”

 

“No Yuuri! Listen to me!” Yuuri’s eyes stared back at him, wide and panicked. Yuuri could never keep the emotion out of them for long. “Why are you,” Viktor choked up but continued, “leaving?”

 

“Please let me go, Viktor.” Viktor realized just how hard his grip was on Yuuri, clutching onto him like he might disappear in a puff of smoke. His finger refused to open though.

 

“I can’t let you go until I know why. Why are you doing this?  I don’t understand. I thought. I thought you loved--”

 

Yuuri jerked his arm against his grip, desperate to get away. He was acting like Viktor was some kind of predator, and it made Viktor’s stomach convulse. Yuuri struggled against Viktor with a cry. Still, his fingers refused to let the younger man go.

 

“Can’t you see?” Yuuri’s voice trembled with emotion. When he realized Viktor wasn’t about to release him, Yuuri beat his fists against Viktor’s chest. “I need to go! I have to go!”

 

“Why?” Viktor demanded.

 

“Because all I’m doing is holding you back!” Yuuri’s fists stilled. “It’s all I ever do.”

 

“Yuuri.”

 

“I saw, you know.” Yuuri’s head hung down, chin resting against his own chest. “I saw you looking at the other skaters today.”

 

Viktor clawed through his memories of the day, trying to figure out what Yuuri meant. Sure, he had watched the other performances, but surely--

 

“I saw how you looked at them.” Those cinnamon eyes pivoted up to meet Viktor’s. Yuuri’s hair grazed Viktor’s jaw with the sudden movement of his head. This time, Yuuri wasn’t trying to keep the emotion off his face. “And I just. How can I claim to love you when I’m keeping you from the thing you love most?”

 

The words turned to soft sobs. Viktor’s mouth fell open. His eyes went unfocused looking at the raw despair written on Yuuri’s features. His mind blanked out until at last a thought crossed it.

 

_So. This is what it was all about._

 

God, he loved this man.

 

This man, who would rather hurt himself in order to do what was best for the people he cared about. This man, who looked at him like he was his whole world, just as much as he was Viktor’s.

 

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri like he might break and drew him close. The younger man tensed up as though in protest but let Viktor hold him.

 

“My silly Katsudon.” Viktor dipped down to kiss Yuuri’s temple. “Don’t you know? You’re the thing I love most.”

 

Like ice thawing, the tension drained from Yuuri’s body, softening to fit into the spaces of Viktor’s.

 

Yuuri bit his bottom lip. Viktor couldn’t help but smile at the familiar habit. He always did this when he still wasn’t quite sure of himself.

 

“I just want you to be happy, Viktor. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  
“I chose to be with you for a reason, and it’s because you make me happy.” Yuuri buried his face into Viktor’s chest, murmuring something that sounded suspiciously like an apology before Viktor could stop him. There was the Yuuri he knew. His Yuuri. He could only just hope Yuuri believed him when he said that. Even if he didn’t, Viktor would spend the rest of his life convincing him. “Please just stay by me, Yuuri.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this kind of dramatic rendition of what might happen in episode 12. 
> 
> I picked the three scenes because I felt like you could really see Viktor falling more and more in love with Yuuri.
> 
> I hope I did okay!  
> (I'm sorry this is another sad fic, one day I'll write something happy).


End file.
